It is early on a cold Saturday morning. I really thought I’d still be sleeping at this hour, but my body decided that it was done. So instead of trying to convince myself that I could sleep more, I thought I’d take advantage of a rare moment of quiet to begin writing. This beginning is a much bigger step for me than just a blog, because I grew up believeing that I’d write some day. As a kid, if you had asked me what I’d do when I grew up, my first memory of that response was an investigative reporter. I wanted to travel to different places, mostly rural, simple places, and tell stories of peoples’ lives, of the history of buildings or places, painting a verbal picture of the significance of the seemingly insigificant. I didn’t do that. I haven’t written anything – I don’t even journal, even though I have a drawer full of empty journals.If you know me at all, you’ve probably heard me say that during high school I had a guidance counselor tell me that I was as “…creative as a stump.” I was in the process of taking a test to see if I qualified for the Gifted and Talented Program in my school, and this particular part of the test was a creativity test. Not only did he deem that I failed, but he used my paper as the example of what NOT to do. Needless to say, that took some creative wind out of my sails. To this day, I still struggle to believe that I have something original to say that is of value.
Instead of writing, I began editing for other peoples’ written work. It is so much easier to edit what someone else has creatively written instead of producing something yourself, when you understand that you’re not creative.
Equally compelling, however, were the words of those who knew me. Over the years of my life, I have had dear friends quietly tell me (and sometimes loudly tell me) that I am creative, and that they believe that I have written contributions to make. They have consciously fought against the words spoken over me as a youth, time and time again encouraging me to think differently about my creative abilities.
As the new year rolls around, I am choosing to act upon this belief and see where this blogging takes me. I do it with the same apprehension that a person would have if they stood on a stage and sang publically for the first time. I do it with the same caution that a dieter would have if they try to diet one more time after a lifetime of failures. It is a risk for me – but finally, because of a series of moments of clarity along this journey, I am willing to take that risk.
So welcome to my thoughts and musings! You are invited to join me as I journey honestly, openly and as bravely as I can. I hope that, along the way, we all learn something together!