Tension

I have a lot of tension in my life these days.  And while we are definitely struggling to keep up with bills and a mortgage (sometimes not too successfully…), I really am speaking about the tension in relationships and capturing each moment.

There is the tension of not looking backwards.  It seems these days that all I want to do is look at the memories in my scrapbooks of yesteryear.  This started when I pulled several baby/toddler/little girl/big girl pictures of my senior daughter for her graduation party a couple of weeks ago.  That’s all it took to create the conditions for a lot of thinking, memories, and tears over where we’ve been together.  Since my mind doesn’t hold a lot of active memories, I have to rely on the scrapbooks to put pieces of my past back together for me.  I am longing for moments to sit and remember, to grieve, and rejoice.

There is the tension of enjoying each of my kids exactly where they are right now. I want what I enjoy NOW to help me let go of the sweetness of THEN.

What I am enjoying NOW:
My son’s head on my shoulder.
Their ability to entertain themselves by reading.
Their desire to hold my hand, still.
Their acts of service in backrubs.
Their notes of love left on my pillow.
Their concern for me when I’m down or not feeling well.
Their initiative and support for each other.
Their loudly singing together to a radio/iTunes song.
The fact that my littlest absolutely cannot go to bed with a long hug and a kiss.
Their wanting to talk to me.

I wonder if Jesus feels this tension, too.  The tension between our free wills and willingly wanting to be with Him.

I hope that you can shake loose of some of your tension by trying to be really present in each moment.  Breathe deeply and embrace where you’re at right now – not thinking about where you’ve been, nor where tomorrow will take you.  See what God is trying to tell you right now.  See what He’s hoping you’ll appreciate and enjoy in this moment.

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